Reality Check

It's been about two and a half weeks now, and I think I'm beginning to find a place for myself. I'm also learning a lot about myself, as cliche as that may sound, and I'm coming to terms with a lot of aspects about myself that I've never really been able to accept. It's been a huge challenge for me lately trying to integrate into the whole Luther community, and for a while I was really unhappy. I think it's important for new students to be able to say that, and to know that there are others that are feeling the same way. It's hard to explain, but feeling like you belong somewhere takes a whole lot of effort and sometimes it can seem almost impossible.

Most of my friends here are cross country runners, and sometimes when we are all together, I feel like a bit of an outsider. So I've found ways of entertaining myself alone, and have discovered that while I do enjoy social gatherings and being with people, it is a true joy to be alone. One of the things that I've found I love doing is going to the climbing wall at Regents- I've never climbed before, even on a wall, and I think climbing is my new addiction.

Yet to be honest most of my time has been spent doing homework, and I have begun to realize another aspect about myself that is rather Calvinesque. I tend to think in terms of idealistic generalization. In short, I thought college would be all learning and no work, all opportunity and no effort. Yes, I was wrong. I've been doing studying and doing homework and writing papers, and one of the challenges I'll be facing is learning to enjoy that. (Yes, that's me being idealistic again.)

I'm gaining some ground, though. I'm learning about myself and I'm learning what it means to be independent. My feet are still restless yet, but a very wise friend once told me, intimacy is created through opennness. I will, if I can, remain open to life, to experience. The true joy in life is to be found in the subject, not the object, in the interpretation and understanding of experience, not solely in the context.

Take it easy friends,

Danny