Floatin' Above the Maze, or, How to Survive in a Crazy World

It snowed yesterday, and it's getting much much colder. I guess I'm sad to see the fall come to a close so early in the year, but weather is the absolutely most pointless thing to get upset or worried over. I mean, no matter what we do we can't change it so it makes no sense to get mad about it. Plus it gives me a chance to post some of my favorite Calvin and Hobbes comics that deal with snowmen :)

It's been a pretty slow five days I've been back, and I really hope it picks up. I'm getting a little worn out, probably because of going to the rock wall everyday and because my reading assignments have intensified. Actually, what is really weird is that I've been going to sleep at 10 or so the past few nights. Yes, 10 o'clock. So I don't know what's happening to me.

It was my birthday on Saturday (yay 19) and I just kinda chilled by myself most of the day. I know that sounds depressing but it was actually so refreshing. I just wore my PJs, rented a movie from the library and watched that, climbed a bit, and read a lot. It started me thinking again (yes, I do that a lot I know) and I realized that people these days don't value the solitary life. Our youth society says a lot that we need social interaction all the time, that the highest-valued people are those that have the most friends, throw the most parties, but this seems so backwards to me.

Seriously, though, being alone allows for the most important kind of introspection, self-reflection, critical thinking and perspective-broadening thought there is. Just spending time being away from people, for me at least, helps me be happier when I am hanging with people, when I'm in a social situation. I don't know if I could explain exactly the reason behind it, but it seems to me that spending some alone time makes for a much wiser and less stressful life. It's like floating upwards from a crazy wild maze and looking down at how it all plays out, just letting the freedom of being up there alone wash away all the stress of life.

That's a weird metaphor, I'm sorry. So my diatribe tonight was about always being with people. I spent my birthday largely alone and I loved it so much. Please don't think I'm a hermit, because I love being around people. Just in the right amount. Hopefully my parents won't want to send me to a psychologist like Calvin and Hobbes' parents. I've got the cold week ahead and its pretty daunting, but I did bring back more blankets from home over fall break. I think I'm prepared.

Take it easy friends,

Danny

All My Loving, I Will Send to You...

So I'm home now and sitting in the kitchen waiting for dinner to finish cooking. Home cooking>caf cooking. By far. I've been home now since Friday night and I would definitely have to say that being home is a pretty polarizing experience; there are so many things that I have missed and am now greedily enjoying (my own bed and shower, my mom's cooking, knowing the streets and having a car to drive, hugging my dog much harder and longer than she remotely desires, and surprisingly enough, having the Discovery Channel back on channel 43 like its supposed to be), but there are also some things that I miss about Luther too. The beautiful landscape, my friends there, the rock wall, and the lack of obligation I have to report my whereabouts (read: freedom).

Anyways one of the aspects about being home that has been really really awesome is seeing my girlfriend. She goes to high school here in town (Sioux Falls) and so it's been a real struggle adapting our relationship to the distance between us. We've been dating for about 8 months now and we're going strong, but when I left for Luther in the fall there was a big question about whether or not we should stay together, whether it would be the best for both of us to be together or to skip all the difficulties and explore other relationships. We ended up deciding that we just didn't want to separate and that we would try being together. It has been super hard at times but it's also been worth it.

Seeing her this break and hanging out with her has made me so happy; it's like we weren't apart for 2 months and are just back to goofing off and having fun. When I left though, people said that we would never work, that we would break up within a month and that we shouldn't try. I know that my situation isn't a universal one at all but I do want to say that long-distance relationships can work if you try hard. Don't give up on a relationship just because there's going to be distance between you two.

I've found that the best way to maintain a healthy relationship while still being faithful and true is to give each other freedom with communication; if one can't talk one night or is with friends, just let it be and talk another night or text later. It's right to expect them to be faithful and honest about what their doing (aka not date anyone else unless its talked about and definitely not cheat), but just relax the reins a bit. If it's love and it's meant to be then it will work out and you will figure out a way to stay together over a long distance. If it doesn't work, it's for the better and you'll be happier in the long run.

As for now, Erica (my girlfriend) and I will be together and try to work through all the trials of being apart. We've been going strong for almost two months apart now and I'm sure we can make it through.

By the way, the comic appearing above has very little to do with the subject of the blog but lately I've been feeling pretty conflicted with my desire to live a simple life with my perceived need for material things. But I won't bore you with the details of that inner dialogue :)

Take it easy,

Danny

Why We Laugh

Last night I went camping with some friends, and after gathering wood and starting a nice crackling fire, setting up our tent and laying out our sleeping bags, we sat down to relax and talk. After a while of just talking about this and that, the recent happenings in our lives, we started talking about religion and society. We delved into salvation and morality, materialism and happiness, evangelism and human relationships- pretty much anything that came to mind. It was an amazing conversation made even more special by our surroundings. It also made me realize, like Hobbes, that so much of what's really important in life just doesn't make sense and is beyond our ability to comprehend. And that is pretty scary, for sure, but I also realized that although I was coming to see I knew less and less about the world then I thought I did, this didn't make me sad or scared. It made me happy.

There is a sort of freedom in understanding that much of the world is beyond control and so completely unknowable- it's the freedom from needless worry and the huge fragile framework of materialism and societal definitions of happiness. To me it is, at least. So that whole structure of thought kind of stemmed from my conversation last night with those guys. I'm sad that fall will soon be over and winter will be here, but at least then these Asian beetles that are infesting my room will go away (honestly last time I counted --like 10 minutes ago-- there was over twenty and they were all concentrated in the corner of the ceiling right over my desk).

So now I'm a writer for Chips, the Luther newspaper. I guess I've been writing for them for a while but now I am an official part of the staff, which is a really big honor. The more I write and interview with people on campus the more I feel like journalism could be a definite possibility for a career. Luther, however, doesn't have a journalism major, so I don't know how I'm going to swing that one. The newspaper is online, though, if you want to read it.

Things are going well, otherwise. I'm getting into a rhythm here and starting to find a niche. I think it's going to take a long time to really find a home for myself here, but I have faith now, because I see it happening. Friends are getting closer and the campus is seeming more familiar. For a while at the beginning of the year all I could think about was the college in my hometown, Augustana, and how comfortable I'd be there. But that's a story for another time- suffice it to say I've grown to accept Luther and am coming to thoroughly enjoy it.

Take it easy,

Danny

Looking Under Rocks

These weeks are pretty much just kind of rolling by; I fear I'm losing touch with the moment, always looking forward or back while the present just kind of happens. It's hard to explain, but suffice it say I just want life to slow down a little bit. It's the side of the mountains that hold up the top, to paraphrase Robert Pirsig. The week's been pretty busy, but with nothing special in particular. I had a Paideia paper, a History paper, the everyday homework stuff. I wrote another story for Chips (which, incidentally, is becoming a favorite activity of mine- the life of a journalist is looking more and more appealing to me. But that's a story for a different time).

Anyway, last night I went to an astronomy observation on top of the Valders science building. It was a beautiful night for it; chilly but without any clouds at all. I could even see the stars that look like dust making up our galaxy- they were so silent... I mean, how can they be so many and so small and infinite and yet so silent and still? It reminds me of a poem by Ralph Hodgson...

A pair of stars, faint pins of light,
Then many a star, sailed into sight,
And all the stars, the flower of night,
Were round me at a leap;
To tell how still the valleys lay
I heard a watchdog miles away. . . .
And bells of distant sheep.

So that got me all in a contemplative mood, in a way that I get sometimes, where all I can really do is just be quiet and think about life. What are we really, with all the fancy fabric that we think defines us, our precious metals and expensive electronics. I don't know- it's just that when you think about the universe and how small, how so very small we all are, it casts just a bit of doubt on what we think is so important in life.

Kudos to Calvin and Hobbes in that respect. All I really need to say is, everyone just needs to spend a little more time looking under rocks in a creek than wasting away under the silky comforts of materialism.

And that got me thinking about God, but I fear trying to write down the mess of thoughts in my head about God would be a disaster and a much longer blog post than anyone wants to read. I'm off to eat lunch, then to the rock wall for some good climbing. Then, I don't know, it's a beautiful day, and I think there are some undersides to some pretty cool lookin' stones down by the Upper Iowa that haven't seen the light of day in far too long :)

Take it easy,

Danny

A Little Zen

So it's fall, and I'm happy. Out above the Regents Athletic Center on the walk from my dorm to the Union the trees on the far hill are just turning color, and something about the mixture of a few orange, red and yellow trees among the green seems to me to be so much prettier than any picture or painting could encapsulate. Fall has just always been that season that represents such natural beauty and wisdom, and if summer is the joyous zest of young adulthood, then fall is the serene contemplation of old age.

I could go on about fall, but suffice it to say that when the trees are turning and the air loses its angry heat, there's nowhere inside that can make me as happy as being outside.

Its been, what, almost a month now that I've been here, and everything is getting better. People in my classes are becoming more comfortable (including me) and we are having some great discussions. Last night I went to a Philosophy Society meeting and it was so amazing to be able to sit, listen, and discuss with other people some higher-level issues for just the sake of talking and learning. I had a couple friends in high school that would have just these amazing discussions about life and philosophy and religion, anything and everything. And I think part of the problem that I had coming to Luther was leaving them, and having to find again people that could be that kind of intellectual stimulus for me. I just want to say, if you are afraid you'll miss your friends, you probably will. But at least for me here at Luther, there are some great, smart, funny, caring people, and you don't have to abandon old friendships to make some amazing new ones.

What we really miss in today's society, I think, are two things that I've found have made me happier than any consumeristic pasttime ever has: simply enjoying the exact moment we find ourselves in, and honest, genuine discussion about life. And everything about Fall centers me around those two things, for reasons I don't quite understand. Perhaps its the beauty of nature and the ability to enjoy little things like the exact color of a tree's dying leaves.

So anyways, that's the moral of the story, folks. Or at least what I'm thinking right now. Tomorrow I'm going bouldering (like rock climbing, only small-scale without harnesses) around the Ice Caves with some good friends, and just... just... I don't know. I'm just happy.

Take it easy,

Danny

Reality Check

It's been about two and a half weeks now, and I think I'm beginning to find a place for myself. I'm also learning a lot about myself, as cliche as that may sound, and I'm coming to terms with a lot of aspects about myself that I've never really been able to accept. It's been a huge challenge for me lately trying to integrate into the whole Luther community, and for a while I was really unhappy. I think it's important for new students to be able to say that, and to know that there are others that are feeling the same way. It's hard to explain, but feeling like you belong somewhere takes a whole lot of effort and sometimes it can seem almost impossible.

Most of my friends here are cross country runners, and sometimes when we are all together, I feel like a bit of an outsider. So I've found ways of entertaining myself alone, and have discovered that while I do enjoy social gatherings and being with people, it is a true joy to be alone. One of the things that I've found I love doing is going to the climbing wall at Regents- I've never climbed before, even on a wall, and I think climbing is my new addiction.

Yet to be honest most of my time has been spent doing homework, and I have begun to realize another aspect about myself that is rather Calvinesque. I tend to think in terms of idealistic generalization. In short, I thought college would be all learning and no work, all opportunity and no effort. Yes, I was wrong. I've been doing studying and doing homework and writing papers, and one of the challenges I'll be facing is learning to enjoy that. (Yes, that's me being idealistic again.)

I'm gaining some ground, though. I'm learning about myself and I'm learning what it means to be independent. My feet are still restless yet, but a very wise friend once told me, intimacy is created through opennness. I will, if I can, remain open to life, to experience. The true joy in life is to be found in the subject, not the object, in the interpretation and understanding of experience, not solely in the context.

Take it easy friends,

Danny

These Boots are Made for Walking

"The world isn't so bad if you can just get out in it"

Well I made it through the first half-week of school last week and I guess you could say I'm thoroughly on my way to becoming a full-time college student. I've got all my books and I've got my dorm room completely set up. I've completed my first five hour homework stint in the library (which I'm sure will seem paltry in the months to come), and met a whole slew of new people. I had my first test and first paper and I made my first trip to Wal-Mart to buy supplies I needed (and many that I didn't. Why did I buy that subwoofer again?)

But if I was asked to explain what defined my first week in college, outside of the mundane and homogenous experiences I've related, I'd find it hard to pinpoint a reason college feels so much different from anything I've felt before. I have, however, found out that despite my initial feeling of excitement and adventure, I am now experiencing something I never thought I would so soon: restlessness.

That may sound pretty harmless, but to me, it means I've got some major potential problems. All through high school I found myself gazing out the window during class wishing I was elsewhere, somewhere exciting, somewhere just not where I was. I was never really happy on a Saturday night anywhere in my hometown doing any number of things I'd done for the past four years of Saturday nights. And I thought being at college would change that, that'd I'd feel free and unleashed as if released from a straight-jacket.

I don't feel that, though. Like Calvin in the strip that headlines my blog today (incidentally my favorite Calvin and Hobbes strip), I wish I could just be out in the world. I don't know how this will play out, but for now my restlessness here at Luther, which has been causing its own share of discomfort and even sadness, will remain an inactive player in my decisions. I think, though, that I must do something to alleviate my own predicament, for it seems more and more that nothing in life simply happens for my benefit without my own action stimulating it.

What I shall do, I have no idea, but if you have any ideas, let me know! With the beautiful Autumn weather approaching, I fear a simple trip out into the wild will become more and more appealing without some comfort to be found here at Luther.

Take it easy,

Danny