Parting Words

Well, anonymous and intermittent reader, this is my last blog post for the year. On Wednesday I'll be heading home and unpacking all my stuff, realizing just how much I'm going to miss all my new friends and how my freshman year of college is done and gone, never to be experienced again. I figure I'll probably ask myself why I didn't take advantage of it more, really enjoy it and not worry so much about things, but I'll try not to do that too much. The more we regret the past the less time we will spend time really enjoying the moment, and in turn we will just create more wasted moments to regret. Summer will be pretty awesome. I'm going to work at the hamburger and brat shack I ran last summer, grilling and sittin' out in the sun. I'll spend a lot of time with friends that I haven't seen for a long time, and I'll probably go on a lot of road trips. This is the first time in my life that summer has come accompanied by a twinge of sadness, because I'll be leaving a place I've come to call home and people I've been privileged to call friends.

I started the year with a few of my favorite Calvin and Hobbes comics, and I think it might be fitting to end with them. Some of them are sad, some happy, some just funny, but all express some truth about my life and perhaps about human life in general (if I may be so bold). I'm sad I'll be leaving, but I also remember lots of happy memories from my freshman year. At times I was depressed, but I think from my experience and from knowing my friends, pretty much everyone gets pretty depressed at some point in their freshman year. If not, you've found a pretty awesome way of distracting yourself from the tougher realities of life, and you should really send me an email with a detailed list of steps to follow (video game advocates need not submit; I've played enough Super Smash Bros. this year to have each map's theme music stuck in my head during class). And perhaps that's why so many college students are drunk every weekend--college is definitely a freedom trip, but it's also accompanied with a lot of new questions, but some people might prefer to drown them out (no judgment intended).

In parting, here are some of my favorite Calvin strips.

***

Look closely at this one...

Hobbes always has the best lines.

" * "

Nobody can say they don't get this way sometimes. I had perhaps too many of these moments this year.

And he goes back to daydreaming :)

Thanks for reading, friends. Have a wonderful summer and take it easy,

Danny

Mistakes

Another week gone by, and now we just have a few weeks left of school to go. Seems crazy I'll only have two more blog posts after this--it's been a weird sort of constant throughout all the change that has happened throughout my freshman year. I looked at my profile picture for this thing as I logged on tonight and marveled at how different I look now. My hair is longer, yeah, but really I think that the differences I see aren't necessarily the physical ones. It seems odd to me that we look back at pictures of ourselves, whether it's a year or ten years, and try to place ourselves in that position again. Of course it's the same physical being, but is the person in that picture really the same self, the same formulation of personality and sociality that exists now? I don't know. I guess I'm trying to define the self, and that hasn't worked out so neatly for even the most erudite philosophers.

As I was driving around my hometown this weekend I saw a lot of rummage sales and a lot of really sweet furniture I wanted for my dorm room next year. Room draw is on Wednesday for me, and my roommate and I are hoping to get into Larsen. I have to admit I'll be a bit disappointed if we don't, but living in Towers where almost all the sophomores live won't be too bad. Next year I want to bring as little amount of stuff as possible. I'm tired of the clutter that has built up in my room this year. I have too many clothes, too many books, too much electronics, and too many "decorations." For some reason, it seems like my stuff has somehow reproduced. I have way more than I came here with. Next year, I want a comfy chair, a vinyl player, a lamp, my computer, some clothes, and my books. And that's all really. Well I'll bring my slackline and climbing stuff, but that's a given.

A blog is a tough thing to write. So much happens in my daily life, but nothing really happens that I feel like people care to hear about. Then again, nobody wants to read random musings of a discontented college students, so you have to find a balance between daily happenings and the insights one might draw from them. I hope that I've done a pretty good job with my blog, though I know that at times I've tended more towards rambling than any sort of narrative. It will be fun, though, to go back and see the changes in my outlook on life through my blog. A sort of journal, I guess. I've been keeping a private journal for a while now, and I have to say, it's been a real pleasure to be able to express my thoughts that way. To all the slightly depressed, thought-ridden disaffected youth out there: buy a journal and fill it up with all the thoughts you have no idea how to deal with or express, fill it up with everything you could never tell anyone, because a journal doesn't care if you don't adequately express your thoughts in a way someone else can understand. It's just a passive receiver. The whole point is you.

I've been losing motivation for school work pretty steadily. I need some sort of academic pick-me-up here soon, but I fear I will have to cope with self-induced energy for the next few weeks. I just want it to be summer.

Take it easy,

Danny

From Magpie's, With Love

As I was walking out of class this Friday afternoon I crossed across the library lawn through about four different frisbee games and countless blankets strewn across the grass. I would have thoroughly enjoyed it, had I not just exited a philosophy discussion about the futility of all our actions towards happiness. Yeah, rather depressing, but mentally invigorating too. That contrast, of feeling utterly lost and sad and of seeing countless college students seemingly perfectly happy simply to be in the sun and to be with friends, threw me for a loop. Ignorance is bliss. I thought, maybe being a philosophy major won't be as much of a happy trip as I thought. But then I kept thinking (as is my wont, and often my downfall, though this time happily not so), and I realized that I would much rather approach happiness having gone through a genuine philosophical breakdown, having been depressed and disaffected with the mundanity of life, than to revel in an ignorant happiness born from willful blindness. Why I prefer that, I don't know. But perhaps it is because I feel like there ought to be more to life than happiness, that our goal ought not to simply be happy but to genuinely human. Or to genuinely try to understand what it means to be human. That's such a presumption, I know, to say that there really is more to life than pleasure, but it feels to me a better representation of the complexity of life, of suffering and its meaning, than to just be happy happy happy.

Okay and to those readers who skipped that last paragraph due to it's tediously long discourse, a short recap of my week: Monday through Thursday, classes, slacklining, frisbee, studying. Friday some friends and I went down to the river and swam a bit, then I headed to the co-op to do a little journaling. Friday night (which I guess was last night; I'm not used to writing this on a Saturday night) I went to Trout Fry, which was really a fun experience. To those who don't know, Trout Fry is an annual party hosted by the Pi Sigs, a frat that was once chartered by Luther but has since lost that charter. Anyway, it's a big get-together off campus at a campground, and in years past there have been kegs provided at the party for people to drink. This year there has been a lot of attempts by Luther administration to get Trout Fry shut down, mostly because it has been a den of underage drinking and some pretty heavy partying. So they didn't have kegs, but the party went on anyways. I won't go into why I think Luther is being ridiculous about this all, because this is in fact a Luther-sponsored blog, but I will say that I thoroughly enjoyed Trout Fry. And I am definitely going to go again next year.

And now it's Saturday night, and I am at Magpie's, a coffeehouse off-campus. For some reason, it closes at 10, so I have to be out of here in about four minutes. I got a lot of my homework done, and I think I'm gonna head back to campus to hang out with friends tonight. We'll see what happens. For some reason, lately I've been really enjoying my alone time. I know I talked a little bit about that in my earlier blogs, but the solitary bug has infected me anew with the warm weather. I wrote extensively in my journal about why it's important to have alone time, and I think my next blog post I'll write a little about that. For now, I've gotta get out of here.

Take it easy,

Danny

Waste

In philosophy we just finished reading a text about the presumptive nature of all life and the faith inherent in all actions and beliefs, even the belief in truth. I never knew Calvin was such a philosopher at heart, but then again, Calvin is seems to have a keener insight into life than most philosophers I've read.

***

Tonight I went to Magpie's to study a bit with Inga, but ended up getting distracted by so many things that I ended up reading just one chapter in one of the books I have to read tonight. I would start to read, and then decide to check facebook, and then I would answer a text, and then maybe I would drink some coffee and talk to Inga for a bit. I felt almost thinned out, spread over way too many objectives and actions, like my feeling of contentedness was intimately tied with my feeling of concentration. But that doesn't seem right to me, because when I truly concentrate I feel a growing restlessness. I can never seem to find a happy medium, a place where I am both concentrated without being restless and distracted without losing the illusion of progress. It's the ultimate talent a college student can have, I think: to think, but not too hard. Such a banal distinction, but one that people strive for so tenaciously and so rarely successfully.

I feel like I never tell stories in this blog, but I rather just ramble. The problem is I have so many thoughts, and the thoughts crowd out the everyday happenings. I would feel unjustified, or rather, disillusioning myself, to place the highest importance in this one-way forum of mine on actions that have not pressed upon me any lasting impression; rather, my thoughts consume my daily energy and leave me with the emotions that prevail from one minute to the next. What I mean to say is, my life at this point is based so thoroughly on academics, on rigorous mental work, that the very timbre of my life has been adjusted to resound with the nature of my intellectual musings. Thus the more temporal aspect of my life, the comings and goings of everyday college life, the visits to the caf, the hours spent playing frisbee or slacklining, really haven't meant much to me, and I haven't really been moved to comment on them in this blog.

But that's a shame isn't it? That I place all my eggs in the basket of academic experience, and none the very real and very powerful forces of the physical world. I ought to strive for a balance in the placement of my energies and in the investment of my emotional endeavors; I ought to try to simply be more present in the corporeal world. How that translates into action, I have no idea. But perhaps a little fun distraction might help- something to get away from the collegiate grind. Any ideas?

And on that note, I really have to get back into my homework. Only three more days until the weekend. Take it easy,

Danny

At Least It's Done...

I've been trying to figure out what kind of classes I want to take next year, and have become rather stressed with the idea that eventually I might have to know where exactly I'm heading with this whole education idea. Sometimes the whole idea of a career frustrates me; some of the greatest thinkers and doers in history were authors, engineers, inventors, statesman, economists, etc. all at once. Tack up the loss of such genius as a casualty of modernity's frantic obsession with productivity and production. Anyway, as I am trying to decide what courses I take next year, I've been thinking a lot about what I am going to actually "do" with my life. Law school seems like a viable option, so maybe I will do that.

When I was home this weekend for Easter break I went over to visit my friends at Augustana College (the one in Sioux Falls); it was a lot of fun but pretty weird to spend some time in their dorms... weird how similar it was to ours, but how it had its own flavor, too. One thing that I really appreciate at Luther has been the sort of open atmosphere we have, at least in Ylvi. Next year I'll be living in Dieseth I think, and I have no idea what thats gonna be like. It has the reputation being rather "dirty," but I think the social atmosphere will definitely not be lacking.

So we've only got five weeks left, and then I'll be back for summer. It feels like the year has just flown by, and I'm already almost one fourth (or one-third, depending on how fast I go) done with my whole undergraduate experience- what have I done? I look back on the year and kind of wonder what I've done that I will remember in a year. This whole blog post has been so scattered and disjointed- I have to apologize for that. There's a contingent of guys in my room watching T.V., talking, and being very loud. I suppose that's something I could note- its pretty much impossible to do anything coherent when you have six guys in your room talking and socializing. Tip: go somewhere else if you need to do something academic.

Well, off to bed. Take it easy,

Danny

Decisions

Why is it that we show our love in such backward ways?

***

It's Monday, I guess, and that means we only have four more days till Easter vacation. It definitely feels like we just got back to school, so while I'm excited about getting to go home for another four or five days, I kind of wish the timing would have been better- more to the middle of the remainder of school we have left. Ah well. I've just got to take it one day at a time, and for now I just want to get through Monday. For some reason, today is my busiest day, with classes, Chips articles overdue, and Tuba stuff at night. Poor planning for a guy who already has a perpetual case of the Mondays.

This weekend I went up to Gustavus for a Tuba-Euphonium conference, Tubonium. It was... educational. And enjoyable, but mostly educational. I have to admit that by the end I was ready to be done with anything remotely relating to a tuba. But I did get to spend some time with my high school friend who goes there, and I got to hang out with some of his friends. It was weird to see that my friend from high school sort of played the same sort of social role in his new group as he did in our old group- perhaps we just naturally gravitate towards certain social behaviors, and aren't purely placed there out of circumstance and organic social development. The important thing, though, is that he doesn't resent that position, but rather accepts it as a natural condition.

For those of you who know me well, you know that for a long while I have been considering transferring out to the University of Montana. It has probably been pretty evident in my blog entries that I've not experienced that sort of idyllic college high, or even remotely found a comfortable position here at Luther. But I've kept my thoughts about transferring to myself, in respect to this blog, because I really feel like my job as a blogger is not to ruminate about the potential benefits of a different school, but to give an accurate picture of what life is like at Luther, what I have found to be the most fundamental experiences and feelings accompanying my time here.

But I feel comfortable talking about my desire to transfer now, because I've decided to stay at Luther. Don't ask me to explain why, because I don't really know. But it does feel a lot better to have made a decision- at least now I know what I'm going to be doing next year. I was pretty much certain I was going to transfer- I had applied, gone to visit, gotten financial aid, even talked to a friend out there about looking at apartments- but something just stopped me, and now I am staying here. Perhaps in a week or so I'll be able to explain why.

Well, class is about to start so I have to go.

Take it easy,

Danny

Spring Break: Notes on a Vacation and the Effects and Ramifications of its Aftermath on Academic Experience

I feel exactly the same way about Spring break- with some notable exceptions. As soon as I got home the weekend before last, I was ready to just relax and enjoy a week off from school. After about a few days, though, I was pretty bored. It was really awesome to see my high school friends (some of them, at least), and to watch our H.S. basketball team win the State Championship, but I kinda wished that I was off on some exciting trip like the stereotypical college Spring Break adventure. But I guess I didn't necessarily want to get drunk on a beach and play volleyball with a bunch of random tanned and completely air-headed girls in bikinis. So when I found out my friend at the University of Montana's mom and sister were heading out to Montana to visit her on Wednesday, I thought it would be fun to bum along for the ride. So I rode along for the 15 hour drive and spent a few days out in Montana with a couple of my high school friends- it was pretty amazing.

But now I am back at Luther- school is starting up again and I think I already feel a little spring fever coming on. I was in Philosophy today looking out the window and started to feel a pull to just go outside and... I dunno... do something. But I stayed in class, of course- if I give way to the feeling now I will have absolutely no hope once the weather warms up significantly and the trees bloom. Do trees bloom? Or is that just flowers? When the trees leaf. Well anyways, we only have a quarter left of school- 7 weeks about, and I have the feeling that April will just fly by. I think time has a winter, too, and it corresponds with the seasonal winter- when the weather gets cold and things start to die, to close up and hibernate, time slows down and begins to just slumber its way through the winter. Then spring comes and after time has stretched a bit and shaken off the last snow, it begins again to run, and then fly through summer.

My dad is coming next weekend to visit, and I'm going to send some stuff home with him so that I can get rid of all the clutter in my room. When I look at all my stuff that I have, I wonder how in the world I accumulated it all in just a short year. Didn't I come with just a van load to Luther? It feels now like I would need to call Rent-a-Van or whatever that thing is just to make it all in one trip. Here's some good advice: every time you go home over any break, always vow to bring more stuff home that you don't need then stuff to bring back that you think you might want. Otherwise, at the end of the year you will realize the only way your clothes all fit in your dressers and wardrobe is if you have a full load in your laundry basket.

Tomorrow my Fitness and Welness class starts. 8 a.m... I haven't woken up that early all semester. I'm rather worried my body will even accept my alarm going off- maybe I'll just subconsciously reject any noise I hear before 10 o'clock. I feel spoiled though. People get up at 7 or 6 or 5 or earlier every day and I am complaining about waking up at 7:55 to throw on a pair of shorts and run down to a class about how to work out.

Take it easy,

Danny

Someone to Eat Apples With...

How about someone to take a walk with on a bright spring morning?

***

Today in Chips (the student newspaper) I read a story about the graduation commencement ceremonies and realized that we only have a quarter left of school. When I look back at the beginning of the year and the uncertainty I felt trying to meet friends, dealing with a college workload, adjusting to a whole new way of life in a new setting, I realize that I have come a long ways. But it really doesn't feel like it took that long to get here. Which makes me wonder what life will be like, what I'll be like in only another three-quarters of a year, which will be... next year at Christmas break? Well, what I mean to say is, I've changed a lot, and will continue to change. But that doesn't bother me too much. I'm always me as long as my self-perception continues to be a present thing, and not a past thing. Some people get caught up in defining themselves by what they've done, by what they were, and that just makes change so hard.

Yesterday felt like a genuine spring day. I took my bike and rode down to the Depot, but didn't find any cool clothes to get; instead, I bought a couple books of poetry and two novels. After that I biked to the Co-op and bought a root beer and journaled for a bit. I was about to leave when I decided I really wanted to get some Blue Sky tea and chocolate-covered blueberries, so I stocked up on those and am now munchin' away. I think today I'll set up the slack line and thoroughly avoid doing my Paideia research paper. I'm writing about the Communist revolution in China and how it affected the family, and it's actually been quite interesting, but a guy can take only so much academia on a beautiful spring day.

I really agree with Calvin in the comic strip above. It's so damn hard to find good friends. Seems like there a lots of people that will spend their time with you, but when it comes down to it, they don't much care about you. But that's life, isn't it? You spend the majority of your time doing things you don't really want to do with people you don't really care to be with, just to have a few moments where you can let go of all that and do something for yourself. It doesn't make sense to me why we go through this long process of education, plunge ourselves into a career, and when our bodies are beginning to go, we stop it all and give ourselves some freedom to do what we want in life. It seems so obvious to me that we work for society, not that society works for us. We are slaves to a system that we created, and we don't know how to get out of it.

I know a guy here at Luther that's taking a year off next year and going to travel a bit, working on organic farms in New Zealand, Nepal, and one other place I can't remember. I envy him. I think I'll maybe do the same thing, if I ever get the courage to deviate from societal and parental expectations. For now, it's springtime and I want to go for a walk.

Take it easy,

Danny

Wise Words from 50 Cent

It's raining today, but not heavily. I actually really enjoy the rain, and have never understood why people are so against it all the time. That old nursery rhyme about rain going away and coming again another day doesn't make sense to me; rain is both good for playing and good for listening to while inside. The other day it was raining pretty heavily here and I sat in my room with the window open, some quiet music on, a cup of hot chocolate, and just sat on my couch and read a really good book (a Douglas Adams, actually). But I guess my enjoyment of the rain would be much diminished if it came more often. I'll quote one of my favorite philosophers on this one: "Joy wouldn't feel so good if it wasn't for pain" - 50 cent. Which is actually quite deep, when you think about it; it's almost Freudian. The greatest pleasures in life come from the release from pain and tension, and if we were in a continual state of pleasure, we would be both exhausted and continually jaded. We can only make distinctions about quality in their contrast to other qualities, so it makes sense to say that if we only felt joy (or it always rained), we would not be conscious of the pleasure we would be feeling.

Well other than that philosophical digression, my life has been rather predictable lately. I've been doing a lot of research for my Paideia paper, reading and writing for my Philosophy class, and studying for Bible and Politics. I declared my major last night as Philosophy, and am feeling pretty content about that, although I'm fairly sure that my feelings on that regard will fluctuate pretty regularly within the next few years. Especially when the prospect of getting a job rears its ugly head and I have to think about the 'real world.' I think after college I'm just going to buy a motorcycle and drive to South America. That should be pretty philosophical; I could really utilize my major. How happy my mother would be.

So my room is basically the hang-out room for all of my roommate and my friends. It's been that way since the beginning of the year because we have a couch, a tv, and the all-important N64. That was pretty fun for a while, but lately it's just been rather tiring. I get home from studying in the library, practicing tuba, whatever, and there are always a bunch of guys in there. And inevitably, it will smell like a bunch of guys, which is certainly not pleasant, and it will be hot and stuffy. And sometimes they'll be watching a movie so I can't really just relax. There's no place to sit and all I want is to have a clean room with space to sit and relax. Tip to incoming freshman, wherever you may be: consider carefully whether or not you want people in your room all the time. It can be just as fun to walk down the hall to hang out, and come back to your own room when you want privacy.

Only a few weeks till spring break- it will be a tough few weeks, though. Wish me luck.

Take it easy,

Danny

Food, Words, and General Epicurean Digression

I hate it when things are exactly where they are "supposed" to be. I would never find anything that way.

***

I'm at a complete loss as to what to write about; I could tell you all about how I went home for the weekend, and how that was pretty awesome, or about how I am way behind on my Paideia research and am going to be spending the whole night in the library, but I think that that would be really boring to read about. A picture of life at Luther right now? Waking up, finishing homework I really didn't want to do the night before, going to class, eating, going to more class, coming back, doing homework, eating, and then perhaps some hanging out with friends. Aha! I can tell you all about the caf, one of the things at Luther that provides a subtle yet powerful relief. For me, at least.

Whereas once in my life I saw eating as a task I had to get done before moving on to something else, in college my perspective has significantly shifted. Reversed, almost. This is something that a lot of college students experience, I think. Let's call it the College Caf Phenomenon (and yes, we call our cafeteria a caf, not a cafe. I've gotten flack at home for this. Is it a midwest college thing?). So the CCP is when going to eat becomes something you greatly look forward to--a refreshing refuge from studying and pretty much just a great place to hang out. It may be different at colleges that have A La Carte menu-ing, but being at a place where you can just sit and talk and have at your disposal more food and more variety of food than you could possibly exhaust is a pleasure that keeps me going through long classes.

Plus, caf oranges have been awe-mazing lately. And I like oranges. However, our room is beginning to smell like rotting fruit because I am too lazy to put out the trash.

Tonight I'm gonna go to the Philosophy Society meeting and philosophize it up. I am rather nervous, though, because my conversations in philosophy have hitherto been with very close friends, and have been really fun. I'm worried that this will be an awkward hit and miss discussion dominated by one or two philosophy majors puffed up with their extensive knowledge of codefied philosophy. We'll see, though. I don't want to be too pessimistic. It's pretty cool that a small liberal arts school in the midwest even has a Philosophy Society and that perhaps, I don't know yet, but perhaps has some students that question the assumptions of our societal ideology. I'd love to find someone with whom I could inveigh, invect, and just generally rant.

Weather is warming up by infinitesmal degress, but spring is definitely approaching. Get excited.

Take it easy,

Danny

February 22, 2009

Do you ever get the weird feeling that you aren't really where you are? That you aren't really in the place you are, with the people you're with, or the things that are happening around you aren't really happening to you? And it's not really as if anything tragic is happening. It's just that you could never have ever pictured yourself in the situation you're in. It's a weird feeling. It makes you feel like you have no essential, concrete self, that you are kind of a floating spectre just passing by and observing what's going on around you. I was in Minneapolis this weekend, sitting in a hotel room late at night with some guys from Grinnell College, and I got that feeling. I felt overwhelmingly lost, but not bad lost. Just floating.

Other than that one weird feeling, which I thoroughly enjoyed (if for nothing other than the sake of new experience), the Journalism conference was pretty normal. Lots of good speakers, and some good chill times just hanging out with the other journalists at Luther. The conference made me realize that I really don't know what I want to major in or do with my life. I think I'll major in life. That should be broad enough to cover most things I might wanna do after graduation. We did go out dancing at a club last night though. There are some pretty awesome aspects to living in Decorah, but sometimes a big city offers a level of excitement found nowhere else.

One thing I very much like about Luther thus far: very few people I've met are judgmental. Most everybody is open to understanding and learning about different lifestyle choices, so that's been pretty awesome. I've noticed that you can do about anything you like, and nobody will look down on you (for the most part- I mean, there are still a lot of people happily mired in their exclusionary understanding of life). But you know what, who cares? Most people on campus are chill, and I like it that way. My views on life have been changing a whole lot since college started; I sincerely hope that most people allow themselves to question everything they've been taught about life, because when you question it, whether you come back to it or change, you have a deeper understanding of why you believe what you believe.

I've got another week ahead of me with classes and homework and all that. I don't think I've got anything exciting planned, but that's okay. A day is a day is a day. Our Paideia research unit is just getting started, and the exciting part is over (choosing a topic). But what's pretty cool is that every freshman on campus is doing this. Misery loves company :)

Take it easy,

Danny

Orbit Trajectories and Life

New semester.

***

Tonight is the Jon McLaughlin concert, and I'm pretty excited to go. I mean, I'm not like a huge fan of his, but it will be fun just to do something different and exciting for a change. I've been swamped lately with homework (most of which I've actually done), and in need of a little break. However, I must say that some of my reading has been really interesting. In Philosophy we are talking about Plato and Socrates, and I've been getting really into it. My prof is super engaging and into the material, so I think that I'm catching the bug. Throughout most of the class I'm scribbling down notes on what she's saying and adding my comments about the philosophy to remember later.

Next weekend I'm headed to Minneapolis for a journalism convention, and I'm very excited for it. It should be really interesting, because they have a lot of great speakers and conferences (plus the Star Tribune just went bankrupt, so I wonder if they will talk about that at all, the conference being in Minneapolis and all). Somewhat, though, I'm just excited to get off campus. Luther is a great place to be, and activities planners do an awesome job of getting fun things to come to campus (the concert tonight), but Luther does have the unfortunate geographical hindrance of being in the middle of nowhere. I miss cities sometimes, and being in Minneapolis will be a pleasure. You can be both anonymous and intimately connected in a city--something that is hard to do at a small college in a small town.

Last weekend I had a prospective student stay with me, and it was a great experience. He was a really cool guy, and we got along well. I found myself explaining Luther to him from my perspective, and I realized that I actually quite like Luther. Sometimes it takes articulating your own confused thoughts to someone else to help you figure out what you really mean. I started writing in a journal a few months ago, and that's helped me so much to figure out my feelings towards some really confusing parts of my life. Our minds are so cluttered at college, and in our hectic society in general, that we sometimes lose sight of the big picture. We read an article in my Comparative Politics class today about how Prince Charles just turned 60 and is still waiting to be crowned King of England after his mom, Queen Elizabeth II dies or gives up the throne to him. The article praised Charles for being an uncommon example of patience and stoicism. She made the point about our modern society, about the petty irritation we feel when we lose a few moments waiting for a computer to warm up, that we are so extremely impatient. She asked, what are we rushing our lives toward?

What are we rushing to get to? I'm surrounded by people freaking out about papers and assignments and getting a good GPA, about getting into grad school or med school, and spending all their time closeted in their rooms getting the willies trying to do everything at once. I just wish people would slow down a bit, and realize that this is the best time in our lives. We are healthy, young, and we aren't old enough to be cynical about love and life. We should all make stupid decisions, and experience life, and not worry about how this or that might affect our chances at a good job and the good life. We are all rushing towards the same, inevitable end. I just hope that when I'm on my death bed, I can say that I enjoyed life, not hurried through it.

Take it easy,

Danny

Warming Up

So second semester is in full swing now, and although I'm reeling from the cost of books, I think I'm settling into a good routine a bit. The warm weather here has been both unexpected and wonderful-it's 52 degrees out right now! In the middle of February! Sometimes I think global warming may not be that bad of a process. I mean, apart from the ecological devastation, wearing shorts and sandals in Feb. is rather nice. I'm even thinking about heading outside to set up my slackline, though the ground is so saturated with melted snow that there are small lakes forming on the library lawn. Seems like everyone here is catching the spring bug; there are droves of people out walking right now, and everyone seems to be in a happier mood. I'm just rather sad because I think that we are most likely in for a icy blow from winter to bring us back to the reality that it is February and we live in the midwest plains.

I got my J-term grades back, and am happy I put so much effort into that class. Stuff always seems so hard when you are going through it, but with a happy ending you can reconceptualize the experience and conveniently forget the long hours trudging through reading and homework. We are on the downward slope of the year, leading to spring, spring break, and eventually summer (although the ominous spectre of finals keeps reminding me that it won't all be fun and games outside in the warm weather).

I have this quote sticky-noted up on my desk:

"If you add up the college education of Steinbeck, Hemingway, & Faulkner, you get to spring break of freshman year." - Tom Wolfe

And I don't mean it to be an indictment against schooling, just a convenient reminder that schooling isn't the end all and be all of wisdom and life insight. Did Shakespeare get an English degree? True, he lived in a different time, but really, you don't need to get an degree in something to pursue a dream and be successful (whatever the hell success is). The point that I'm sort of getting at here, though, is that even though I have this quote up there to remind me that I should never dismay about having to pick a major or "career" path, it's literal implications are ever-increasing as the warm weather approaches. Every day the road is more inticing- hopefully the spring break trip I'm planning with my friends will satiate my wanderlust. We'll just have to wait and see.

Take it easy,

Danny

Optimism and the Future

I hope my dorm plant survived over break.

***

Tomorrow second semester classes start and I feel actually rather excited. I'm taking some new classes, but alas must continue with Paideia. I hope very much that I will feel like I gained something valuable at the end of the year, so that I don't regret how much effort I've put in that class. But one very comforting thing about this semester is the oncoming warm weather, and as soon as the sandals, shorts, and slackline come out, I will be exponentially happier.

Break was pretty relaxing, and it was really nice to get some good home-cooked meals; I am pretty ready to be back at school with my Luther friends. It's weird how you can come to miss something as home when you've only been there for a couple of months. Right now in my room there are a bunch of guys playing an impromptu Mario Tennis tournament and I realize that these guys have made this place like home for me, not necessarily the building, or my room or my bed.

I think we are planning on going to the Ozarks for spring break; that should be awesome. Camping, hiking, climbing, just hanging out around a fire; it'll be something to keep me going after the novelty of new classes wears off and I get weary from the daily grind. I had to look for jobs over break though, and I fear that the summer that I once looked forward to so much will now be primarily a monetary endeavor. It's alright though. Once I get through college and can hop a train to nowhere I won't need to work at all :)

My first class tomorrow is at 12:15. I am very excited to get some good sleep this semester. Hope you all do as well.

Take is easy,

Danny

Of Desires and Immutables

Isn't it weird how when we are young we get so worked up over being forced to go to bed, but now that we're in college all we want is to finish what we have to do so we can get to bed and sleep?

***

I've been working steadily on my J-term work this past week: studying, researching, reading, walking and writing. I'm almost done with my presentation (though when I finish this blog I'll be practicing it in the study lounge) and about to start my final paper. It's been a huge amount of work, but I find that if I get worked up about things, it just gets harder and harder to actually sit done and do them. Whether I'm freaking out about something or not usually has no influence on the quality of the work I do, so I generally just don't freak out. It's much easier. That's a good lesson for any incoming college student: your workload will increase ten fold from high school (probably), but getting freaked out about it won't help you at all. As long as you always try your hardest and manage your time well, regardless of the ease or amount of homework you have, you will be fine. Freaking out is not only stressful and unenjoyable, but pretty annoying for your friends and roommate.

On Wednesday I'll be heading home, be there for a week, and then I'll come back for second semester. I'm rather excited to start up my new classes, but anticipate that excitement to fade within a week, and I'll be back at the grind, waiting for the next break with eagerness. I wish that I could be in love with school, like some other people. They are truly blessed, to enjoy academia.

Today I walked into the men's room in the Union, very much distracted with other thoughts. I looked up and saw a baby changing station, and was jolted out of my reverie; was I in the girl's bathroom? Immediately I felt a bit ashamed. Why do I automatically assume that only a woman's bathroom would have a baby changing station? I guess sexism is rather built into us, and even though we may remove all the outward signs of it, there will probably be a bit of those gender distinctions in us for many generations. I really was in the men's room, by the way.

Well the winter months are upon us, and at least for me, the novelty and beauty of the snow has begun to wear off. I'm ready for the warm weather again. Only a few more months :) stay warm my friends.

Take it easy,

Danny

Petering Out

I feel like I have been a part harsh on Luther throughout my posts, and I want to set that right. So far, it has been a wonderful institution. There has been so much to love about it: the classes are challenging and engaging (most of the time- nowhere is perfect), the professors are all helpful, there are activities to do on campus, and the food has been great. I want to say that the problems that I have discussed throughout all my blogs have been the result of personal issues; I no doubt would encounter them at any school. But I want to be honest, and to be honest I have to show my feelings as they are, not as an incoming student or admissions counselor would want them to be. So I lament that Luther has to be the setting to my personal issues. Make sure you form an impression of your own about Luther before you choose the school you'll attend next year.

On Friday our J-term class did another field trip to Minneapolis. It was a pretty awesome experience just being able to wander around the city with absolutely no agenda, even though it was like -20 degrees out with the wind chill. I walked around downtown, headed over to Dinkytown near the UM campus, and visited a cool tapas bar (which apparently was 21 and over, but I didn't see the sign and didn't get carded. It was pretty cool). Other than the field trips, though, J-term has been a load of work. A load of reading, actually. I've spent on average of about 5 or 6 hours a day reading and journaling. I'm told that's not an average amount for J-term (my friends lounge about all day playing Mario Kart and Super Smash Bros.)

I guess I don't really know what to write about. Things are kind of stalemating. Not very much enthusiasm for school or social life remains; things will get better though.

Take it easy,

Danny

Lost, and Wishing I was Lost

Last week for my J-term class, on Friday, we went to explore Waukon, a city about 20 miles east of Decorah, for a few hours. We got there and set off on our own paths, just exploring the town, trying to find interesting things about it. I talked to the editor of the town newspaper, who was grumpy and didn't quite understand why I was there talking to him; I went into the elementary school and toured the theater behind the gymnasium, trying on various costumes that were much too small for me; I bought a plant at a local greenhouse; I walked around the high school after fanagling my way into a visitor pass. But it was meeting the local undertaker and getting tour of the funeral home that was the highlight. I and two other students got into a conversation with he and his wife at a cafe, and then we made a visit to his funeral home later that day. It was quite a fascinating tour, and he was very funny and nice.

It didn't strike me until a few days later, though, that the whole experience was so completely un-high school that I didn't even think about it as school. I suppose in a way it was, but it was the first taste of collegiate independence as sponsored by the school that I had got, and I loved it. I couldn't ever imagine being in high school and being set free on a small town for a few hours, completely at our own devices all day. And on Friday we go to Minneapolis to do the same thing. I'm very much looking forward to getting lost and alone in a big city. It was an amazing, walking around in Waukon, just walking and looking and getting to know people. That human element and the intimacy of little towns is all but lost when we drive in cars. All we see are main streets as we drive through them as they straddle a highway. It's just an annoyance to slow down. So I'm very excited to experience Minneapolis while walking.

The winter has been tough for me. I am feeling more and more restless with each day, just wanting to get out of Decorah, out of Iowa in general. I am just not happy staying here in one place; it isn't natural. I don't know how I'll work it out of my system, because I'm not ready to accept it just yet. Maybe soon, but for now I am going to stay where I am. I find myself staring out of every window, looking to the horizon and wishing I was on my way there, to find and explore what I just can't quite see. For some reason, though, going to the rock wall has helped. I've been there pretty much every day for the past couple of weeks. I love it. I want to be out in Montana or Colorado or simply west and be climbing and bumming and living with people of my ilk and perspective. People that simply live and don't give anything about society. Ragged people. Well anyways,

Take it easy,

Danny

Hearing Myself Think

It's been about a month since I posted and a lot has happened. Nothing too special or life changing, but a lot has indeed happened. I took finals, which were an experience unlike any in high school. College finals mean a whole lot and you have to actually spend hours studying. I put in my time and was happy with the results, though, so that's that and there's nothing more to complain about. Then came Christmas break, and that was something else. It was pretty awesome to be back with my old friends, friends that I have dearly missed the past few months. We spent nearly every night together- something my parents were not particularly enthused about. But we had some amazing conversations and times just hanging out and watching movies. There is just this gap between college friends and high school friends that occurs most obviously because of the amount of time you've known them, but because your high school friends saw you through some pretty formative years. It's truly a comfort and a joy to be around them again.

And now I'm back at Luther. Starting J-Term. I'm taking a class called Walking Books, and so far am liking it very much. I think I picked a very engaged, but also very demanding class to be in. We will be reading four main books, as well as many other texts, walking every day, and journaling as well, all in three weeks. Plus of course papers, presentations, and tests. But the subject material is amazing- we are talking solely about walking. The history of walking, why we walk, what walking does for the soul, what it means to humans, and everything that relates to walking from camaraderie and whether compassion is a natural human characteristic to, pardon my language, "shitting in the woods." It should be awesome.

One of the requirements of the class is to walk at least 45 minutes a day. Yesterday a went out above Baker Village into the forest, and tramped about for about an hour and a half. Here is an entry from my journal if you so care to read. It's about the silence I felt:

After about a half-mile of clumsily stomping around deer scat and ducking under low-hanging branches I stopped and looked up. I couldn’t hear the road or the humming of the school heaters, nor the chatter of passing students. It’s been a while since the silence of nature, which really isn’t silence at all, just the sound of the earth living and breathing, which feels like silence to our battered ears, since the silence of nature has surrounded me and it took me a bit of time to adjust. Then I heard a song bird high above me to my right, the cawing and hooting of some crows beyond my view, and then I heard the wind. Or rather, I heard the cracking and straining of the few last dead leaves brushing against their trees. And I saw the lengthening shadows slice up the snow, and the barren gray-brown trees played tic-tac-toe against the sky, the pale-cold sky. My tri-color scene stood stark against the holiday season that has just passed by. The rich gaudy flavor of consumerism still lingers in my mouth and I feel disgusted by the cheap shit we buy and the cheap sentimentalism we cock down our throats. In the woods I left that and just stood still.

So that was my experience walking. I wrote a bit more about the sound of my boots, but that is a bit more rambling and mad.

Take it easy,

Danny